i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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