At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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