He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
