OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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