So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize