I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
