at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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