oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
