I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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