If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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