I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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