I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
