I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
