Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
