I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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