I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Sorry my hands just texted you
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
