You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
