the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
