I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
