This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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