Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
