My sheets look like a crime scene.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
