i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
