I just threw up on my dentist
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
