I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
