Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
