Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
