Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
