You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
