WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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