How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Did I show you my penis last night?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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