The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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