Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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