I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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