Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
