had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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