I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
