Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
