I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
