The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
