it's too hot outside to masturbate.
even my farts smell like vagina
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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