sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
