omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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