Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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