I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
