I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Found the puke drawer
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
be right there i have to get my cape
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
