11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
