She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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