His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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