I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
This toilet bowl is my home.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
