Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
