i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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