He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
