no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
